hello, i've been meaning to write. i've got three empty drafts, mind filled with things like thoughts and ideas and memories and feelings but by the time i reach here, they pretty much play hide-and-seek with me. i need to seriously fix this problem of transferring mind onto electronic paper.

as of now, i do know what i want to write. i want to write that i've been entertaining thoughts of starting a new blog where i write anonymously. i even got to opening the site on the browser but i changed my mind. i mean, internet by itself is the epitome of anonymity, why do i need to handle so many blogs? and there is no reason for me to hide my identity even if i write as i feel. there is nobody to be accountable to here. 

i've been afraid of writing how i truly feel/think. its ridiculous that a space i created for myself doesn't feel safe enough for me to be myself in. ironic, of course, considering that this "space" is actually the internet. :/ that aside, i still can't allow myself to bare it all and i'm afraid of people (not that i have many readers) shocked by what i have to write. although the argument could be that i almost always forget anything and everything i want to write by the time my fingers hit the keyboard. hm, problem.

anyway, i decided to stop worrying and start writing because i really want to. not sure if its caused by my desire to be heard or to simply rid myself of these thoughts to have space for new ones; i think either reason is not bad. so, i shall start with one right now.

recently, i have taken upon myself to cut ties with "friends" on facebook. i have no idea why i decided to add them in the first place (for the numbers most probably) but i have decreased the number of friends on my fb by about 300 people. a lot of them are people i actually know in real life; school friends, camp friends, friends i've only met once. there were some that were real easy to click 'unfriend' on because i didn't know them at all but there were others that i just know i will not talk to even if i bump into them. they'll most probably not recognize me and neither would i.

my criteria for unfriend-ing them were as follow:

1. length of time that we spent together = how well i know them

2. whether or not i would say hi to them if i bump into them

3. amount of mutual friends (but i did unfriend a person whom i had 300 mutual friends with)

4. how often they spam my timeline especially with chinese stuff (cus i can't understand them) 

5. the likelihood of us spending time together in the future (this is where i kept all the cute guys keke)

it felt important, this unfriend-ing spree. it signified an attempt for me to clean out the closet (metaphorically) and shake the dust of things and throw out all the things that i don't need which are taking up unnecessary space. i want a clean slate, a fresh beginning and yes, this has some sort of connection to the break up (the break up is whole other story, maybe another day).

what this was is removing people that has no impact or significance in my life from my life. they're not exactly killing me by being in it but there is no symbiotic/parasitic relationship going on either. clutter, clutter, clutter. it felt strangely unpleasant to unfriend them but it had to be done. it feels easier to breathe now. (:

i've got to really go now, need to get abnormal. good morning!