oh, I envy you.

to have grown up with such security, to know such normalcy, to never have to question who you are, I wonder if you know how lucky you are.

this is one of the reasons I didn't like relationships. to be put into a place where envy sets in even more easily, oh, so difficult and so scary.

and so easy to question where I stand.

maybe I'm not making much sense but it scares me, you see. I don't know what to do.

I just want to fade into the background.
But I'm already there, aren't I?