I realized that it is when I have no words to explain, no ways to describe, no combination of alphabets that can be enough or adequate to even begin to tell you what I feel, that this has to be some sort of love; perhaps the real kind, the kind that is beyond butterflies in the stomach or good chemistry.

Its so strange for me, you see, to notice all these small little things that add up and throws me over. The way you turn around in the seat to listen to me, and when you answer my dinosaur rumbles that are mostly incomprehensible, when you let me sit in the comfy chair especially when I told you that my back was aching, when you got me that spoon even though I wasn't exactly asking you to get it for me, when you pulled me to slow dance to All of Me in the club (was that our first dance?) and you carried me (that was embarrassing btw) and you sang to me and I couldn't possibly even deny the feelings I have for you, all these things that made me realise that the words "I love you" is not as important as I thought it was although it'd be nice to hear it once in a while.

The point is its only been 4 months. I... don't know. I'm scared, once in a while I get terrified because I've lost before, I don't want to lose again. I know that life and God has their way and there are certain things that are out of my control and still, I fear because I guess, that's how I've been reinforced, that is what I know.

And what I know is that when the going gets good, you can be damn sure that a thunderstorm is on its way. Oh, I didn't mean for this post to be negative like all my previous ones. I told you, I don't know how to be happy.

But I am so overwhelmed every time; every time you touch me, when I turn around in the morning and there you are, when you do things that I don't expect, when you laugh, when you smile, when you hold me close, oh, I wish you'll hold me closer. I'm overwhelmed by love, by having you in my life, by just being able to be in the same space as you.

Okay, you know what. This is what I'm trying to say, that I notice and appreciate all the big things and all the little things you do for me, the way you pay attention, the way you care, the way you look at me and what I do is that I store them in my heart to the point where I get scared because you're taking up a lot of space and I'm afraid that one day, that space will break me. But you see, as the days go by, I find that I love you more and more (and yes, you guess right, it freaks me out).

But I guess, the only way to go on is to keep loving you.