I was looking through my blog and found that I had the same title for two posts. I guess my subconscious is doing its magic.

I am here because we had our 3 monthsary evaluation talk and I realized with the heaviest heart that I am no closer to anything than I was in the beginning. I do feel comforted and acknowledged in a way because you did realize the effort that I have put in. So, thank you for noticing.

But love isn’t just about hard work and effort and determination on my part. I don’t think I managed to make myself clear just now. What I meant by saying that I will no longer put in the same effort after the 100 days if we continue is that I cannot invest in something that has no return. Oh, I know love is unconditional, love is giving, love is sacrificial. But I don’t believe that love is stupid or should be a waste of time and well, a relationship is more than love. If after 100 days, you tell me lets continue the way its been, I will say, “Sorry but no way.” I’m no longer the 20 year old naive little girl who believed that love is a Korean drama with a happily-ever-after ending. I am not going to put myself in a place where my feelings are bounced right back, where my heart is crushed beyond recognition, where my pride is brought down again and again because that is what I will have to do if I stay at your side.

I’m not asking you to love me now, I’m asking for a chance for that to happen. You see, I can say it with more ease because that’s who I am, its not difficult for me to find things to love in you. But I know you’re not like me, in fact you don’t see the need to do anything like that and I understand (more than I should).

I know that I can find love with you but if you’re not with me on this journey, then I’m going at it my way and although I gave you the impression that I will just hop on to other guys, the truth is if you said no, the first thing I’d do would be to go to the nearest pet shop and buy a pair of hamsters (don’t matter if I have money or not). I have love to give, why is that a bad thing?

My time with you has been really good, I have been happy, you’ve made me happy, I hope you were happy too. If this is all it amounts to, I guess I can only thank you for the 100 days out of your life that you’ve shared with me. I’ll keep the memories, they should be great bed warmers when I feel a little lonely sleeping on my own.

to fall in love with me.