"happy 100 day"

 I don't even know if I'm supposed to feel happy or miserably sad. 

So silly, so silly of me. To think that maybe I will matter. What is wrong with me? You tell me, I need more optimism. Is this optimistic enough for you? When my heart breaks, is that enough?

It makes no difference to you, when I'm gone, you will just go back to how it was; working, drinking, gaming, partying. And I will be here, on my own, picking up the broken pieces, mopping away the tears and finding my way back to some form of quietness, to some incomplete kind of peace.

Today's goodbye kiss was the sweetest. It was also probably the last one.

You just spent hours finishing a game. Meaning of life? Really now?

And I spent 100 days wondering and waiting.

Waiting.

But I'm not gonna wait anymore.