Secret lives, secret lies.

If I don't know, if I'm unaware, if I am completely out of the loop,
if you are doing something right in front of me and I don't even know what it is,
if I look at you and it feels like I'm wrong, like I'm invading your privacy,
if I wonder, if I'm curious, and still feel like I can't ask you,
if I am completely in the dark, not on purpose, but just because,
if I stand in front of you and realise that behind you is a million things I cannot see or know,
if I have to find out about things from other people,
if I still feel left out..

Then, isn't it a secret?
A secret you're keeping from me.

 //

I just realized with startling clarity that I don't know you at all.

And I am afraid. So afraid.

I wish fear isn't something I'm so ridiculously and acutely aware of. I wish it isn't something that grips my heart and refuses to let go. I wish more than anything that I do not know fear.

Because it is fear that makes me so afraid of you, of the things I don't know about you. It doesn't matter how many questions I ask, it doesn't matter how deep I dig, it doesn't matter because as long as I'm in the dark, it is dark.

I know its unfair to say this about you. I know its not the only thing that defines us. I know that its just one small bad thing in the midst of many good things.

But still... ):

//