you wouldn't know this

but my heart still races whenever i see you

after the longest time and hours of missing you

i still get nervous waiting for you

you wouldn't know this

but i still stare at my phone every other minute or so
hoping it'll light up, hoping its you
a call or a text, smiling when my hope is answered

you wouldn't know this

but whatever it is i'm feeling or am going through that day
i always look forward to your call

the one right before you go to bed so that i can say "i love you"

you wouldn't know this

but i still feel like a girl with her first crush

nervous and anxious; not able to spend even one day

without thinking of you, wishing you were here

you wouldn't know this

but i wonder how it'll feel like

to wake up every morning to your kiss

and fall to sleep at night, your breathing my lullaby

you wouldn't know this 

but i think about how to find that same ground

where i can be with you and hold your hand

and not feel like i'm falling off

you wouldn't know this

but i am trying

trying to love you 

the best way i know how

do you know now?