Day 98 : 7th August 2014

Today, I passed you the box. Since I couldn’t exactly write in it anymore, I’ve decided to do it here. Hopefully, you’ll see this.

Today, I didn’t want to see you. I wanted to minimize the time we’d spend together. But it crossed my mind that it could possibly be the last night I get with you, so I went over anyway. But I tried to delay it to as late as possible which explains the yumcha that went on for a while. It also crossed my mind that there would be a need for me to un-remember certain things, like your unit number and how to open your toilet door and where the cups are kept. But I know I will remember how your place looks like, how your room looks like, how your bed feels like because for a while, it was like home to me. Silly, so silly of me to think that if I leave traces of me behind, you’ll remember me better. I forgot that sometimes someone could mean a lot in one moment and in the next, mean as little as the dust in the air.

You put the box on the top shelf of your cabinet. I don’t know if you’ll remember it.

Day 99 : 7th August 2014

Today, you kissed me goodbye secretly in the lift because there was someone else in it. And I guess that would be the memory I take away from you, that one last act of sweetness, of everything I could have loved in you.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, it seems like such a big day to me and it feels like I’m just waiting for the axe to drop. I can’t expect anything and what little hope I hold onto feels inadequate. I don’t know if you will even find me.

I’ve cried, I’ve already cried for tomorrow. But why is it not hurting less?

Goodnight, baby.

Goodbye, baby.