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I absolutely disagree. It just doesn't seem right.

I know that expectations are pretty much equivalent to disappointments. But that's just one way to look at it.

Why is it that the moment we have expectations, we are setting ourselves up for failure? Especially when it comes to love and relationships. 

What is wrong with expecting respect, compassion, understanding, acceptance, loyalty, reciprocity, equality, etc. from someone we have decided to commit ourselves to who (hopefully) has done the same to us?

All of us have roles to play. For myself, I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, a student, and a worker. As I take on each role, I have different responsibilities and thus, different expectations from myself as well as from others. As a daughter, I care for my parents. I am (to the best I can) a filial daughter. As a sister, I care for my siblings. I am aware of what's going on in their lives, I take interest and when necessary, I am there for them in whatever capacity I can be. You get where I'm going, yes?

So, naturally there are expectations. I either play my role well or terribly. I either keep to my expectations, exceed them if I'm a perfectionist or perform below them if I'm lazy, undedicated and ungrateful.

When it comes to love, there should be expectations. I mean, clearly you don't want your partner to beat you up when he/she is drunk. And this implies that you have an expectation that your partner should know how to behave with their alcohol. Yes, this is sort of an extreme example but there has to be expectations.

Now, empty promises, I don't condone. Don't say things you don't mean. If you cannot find an ounce of sincerity in the words that are coming out of your mouth, don't say them at all! If you are going to apologize, saying how you'll never do it again, and you don't mean them, don't say it. It's not like we cannot tell. Or even something that could be romantic like making promises about the future, saying how your love will be forever, okay, these words could be sincere and maybe even come true but don't use them willy-nilly. Treat the words as precious stones, use them only when your heart cannot be surer of anything else. Okay?

Sorry, got a little distracted. Expectations are good, in fact, they are necessary in a romantic relationship. I had a 'relationship' once where I decided I wasn't going to expect anything, neither was he. Guess what? He took me for granted and towards the end when I had to give him an ultimatum, I realised that he had never wanted me to belong in his life. I was of no importance to him and really, he wanted nothing to do with me. Look, expectations are a natural occurrence resulting from committing yourself to a relationship. Stop fighting it!

There is a reason why we use the word commitment when we talk about people going serious in their relationships. Commitment is beyond the blazing emotions and physical attraction you have for your partner, commitment is about investing in a relationship you've decided is worth the risk and when you're in, you're all the way in. Ideally, both of you.

Just like when you invest your money in something, there are expected returns, yes? It's the same in a relationship. You invest your time, your effort, your heart and you expect to get something in return. Oh, unconditional love is awesome but it doesn't mean you take someone for granted. Unconditional love simply means that you love regardless of their appearances, circumstances, quirks and oddities, and the challenges that life will throw along our ways.

But expectations means we are treated as human beings deserving of love, attention, care, commitment, transparency, inclusion and nourishment (bold-ing because these are our rights, yo). And of course, expectations go both ways. In fact, it is advisable that such matters are discussed early in the relationship. Then, you would understand what you need to do and contribute to ensure a healthy and loving relationship. I won't go into the topic of communication but it is like THE most important thing in a relationship. Expectations are only scary and harmful when they are hidden and pushed aside, as if our desires and hopes do not matter. If you don't look after yourself, who will?

If you are just starting and things are still shaky, I am even more adamant that you are honest about the whole thing. Don't scare people off with too much but explain what you want from the relationship so that the other side understands what he/she is getting into. I'll use myself as example, when I started my relationship with current boyfie, I told him straight out that I'm looking to marry and build a family. If he is not into that or see himself in a future where family is involved, I needed to know. Fortunately for me, he was not scared away. Although he did not promise to anything, at least he is not unaware of my future plans. Perhaps, in time, he might even join me in that dream but what I needed to tell him was where I stand and that I'm serious about the whole thing. If he was not serious about the relationship, let's just say he'll be single right now.

If you are in a loving and beautiful relationship, your partner would appreciate that you are not some airhead romantic that believes in happily-ever-afters and that love simply falls into your lap and the days will be ever bright from then on. Relationships need work and communication and yes, expectations. Your relationship needs to go somewhere, doesn't it?

Side note: I am writing these from a female perspective but I feel equally as strong for the men. This is not some feminist rant. These applies to all genders, because in the end, all of us deserve happiness and love.

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I have no idea why I wrote this long-ass thing. It was just something running in my head and then, I saw all these quotes and I just got annoyed.

And also, because in my own relationship, I have expectations and I believe that my boyfriend should have expectations of me too. Where do you think the saying, "love brings out the best of each other" come from? If we don't hold ourselves and our partner to a certain standard, we will never amount to anything.

Okay, enough writing for now. Gosh, I should be writing my thesis.

Good night.
xoxo