***

Ever since I met and got together with boyfie, I have felt the full extent of my introversion.
Not difficult to see when my introversion contrasts so much with his extroversion. It hasn't been easy understanding and accepting that he is the way he is when I am the way I am.

Sometimes, I don't know how to tell him that all I want to do is find a hole to hide myself in. Or tell him why I don't want to hang out with his friends and anyone else really; that all I want to do is stay in and snuggle. That all I need is a book in my hands and my life is complete.

Sometimes, I don't understand how he can spend an entire night talking to a complete stranger in a language he is not even proficient in. And perhaps the most difficult of all is understanding that when he is friendly with girls(!), it is just his nature to engage people. (And I shouldn't fly into irrational jealousy which is of course, easier said than done.)

I have been trying to help him understand why I feel the way I do—which is not the easiest thing to accomplish. Given my personality and temperament, I am afraid that I will grow to despise the things that he does because of  (or largely due to) his extroversion—the drinking, the late nights out, the random conversations with strangers, the chit chatting with girls (that if happen too often will be just damn annoying) and his friends because birds of the same feather flock together, right? They are almost all like him which means when I hang out with his friends, my energy is usually completely drained and all I want to do is run away as far away as possible in the opposite direction. But I don't want to start disliking things simply because they don't jibe with me.

On the other hand, he doesn't seem to get the strain that I am put under in big groups; with people I don't know, in conversations I have no interest in whatsoever. And really, I have lived a relatively quiet life prior to meeting him. My clubbing, my outings, and my socialising have all been spaced out and only done when I feel like it.

But now, there is another person to consider; someone who likes going out and meeting people and sitting around chugging beer, talking nonsense (or "philosophy") and just being the total opposite of me. The truth is I am still trying to understand the dynamics that go on in his relationship with his friends. Heck, I am still trying to understand the boyfie and how his mind works while constantly wondering if both of us can be together for the long haul.

Recently, there have been a couple of times where he hung out with his friends without me—as in he left me at home while I did my work and he went out. As much as work was the reason I couldn't go out with him, it was also a really good excuse. I just couldn't stand seeing any more people. The past year has been filled with so many people and as I recall, I've been so exhausted to the point of breaking because there's just been one thing after another with no pit stops for me to rest. I just can't. My quota is really like the same 5 people on a twice a month a basis but now? ㅠㅠ

It has been difficult, I know it will continue being so. And I can only do my best (or heartbroken trying).

Because you are the only exception.